I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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