Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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