her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
