I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize