a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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