well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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