I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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