Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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