im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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