I wanna passion pit in your ass
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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