I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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