And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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