Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
