I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
