she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
