OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just forgot I was standing up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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