the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We had to coat check the pizza.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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