I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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