We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
