I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
