his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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