New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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