Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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