Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
