hotel room ftw
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
