Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
