well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
