I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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