finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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