I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
