I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
