my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
