Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
