careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
