So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
