I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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