I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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