Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
