Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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