you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
