I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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