whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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