Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
