just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
