escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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