just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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