i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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