If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
