She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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