New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
