I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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