Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
