i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
