Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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