he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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