what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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