We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
