Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she peed on how many people?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
