He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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