I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
