Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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